Monday, January 02, 2006


ok, ok i stole that from the thomps. but is it really stealing if you acknowledge it?

Wow, so much has happened since 12/10. Both holidays have zoomed by. Times with family and friends has zoomed by. One death and funeral of a friend.

The holidays are always a stressful time for me. I know it is for others but i did not know how to start this segment. It is a very divided time. I certainly would love to spend the entire time with my daughter--that would be heavenly. But i need to divide that up accordingly. I would love to spend time with my brothers. But things like that do not happen enough. This one is going to sound weird, but i would even love to spend time with my ex-in-laws. They are a cool group (who let me hang around) what can i say? I would love to spend more time with my church family. Again, some really cool people there.

But that is not what happened. Oh sure some of it did. Gatherings still went on. I saw my in-law family for a little bit. I spent some really great time with the Becca. During all that two significant things happened. 1. The death of a friend. 2. Time alone with God.

I am not going to spend a tremendous amount of time on the death thing. I am finding myself really struggling with it. A 19 year old goes to bed one night, falls into a coma and 43 days later goes home to be with the Lord. Now there are ALOT of details left out of that story -- i realize. But it just shows how fragile life really is. I head the opportunity to work on the "sidelines" during the whole thing. It was amazing to see God work -- for that i thank Him...

I am still working my thoughts thru - as you can see.

TAWG. When i was on staff at a church, we were required to take 1/2 or full day once a month & be alone with God. I miss those. For me, i had music, a journal, some books (including a bible) and some music writing paper. (and a pillow - because i often found myself taking a nap). Amazing times. Very intentional & focused. It seemed like it would take forever to shut my brain down enough to really hear.

So why is it difficult when i have time and don't do it. hmmmm. Why is it difficult to just be alone?

One of the things the Deur family does at Thanksgiving time is rent an arena. Ok maybe not an arena but a large space and have Thanksgiving dinner. They invite alot of people to this. And i understand it is a great time. Maybe a couple years ago, i found myself "thanksgiving-less". (Matt - look that up for me a let me know if that is a real word.) I was approached by a friend. He said, "You should go to the deur family thanksgiving. they are always taking strays." Now let me say that i was not offended by that and i am writing this because here is my point. Is it that i feel like a stray? A wayword cat tossed out in the snow, meowing at a door.

From the Message, Romans 5: 6-8 reads:
6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Hebrews 11:1
1The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see.

A daily walk is critical to any friendship. Without disciple, we will not connect. Which is the same with God. One of my goals for the new year is a greater commitment to prayer and time listening. I do not know how successful i will be but i am going to try.

Wow that was scattered. Hope you enjoyed.


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