Saturday, December 30, 2006

the move is complete

and the Christmas holiday behind.

I cannot believe the whirlwind that has been my life for the last 2 weeks. Let me explain. After moving 1100 miles, i was blessed with some guys at work helping the unload process. Now is the challenge of getting out of those boxes.

i had negotiated a trip back to west michigan for Christmas to see my daughter. Let me tell you. I felt a little like the guys from planes, trains, and automobiles. I arrived at the airport saturday morning at 3:30 am. I did this to see if i could get my seating set and all that jazz. when the ticketing agent opened up, we all found out that flights going to chicago were canceled because of the snow situation in denver. I spent 2 hours trying to get re-routed on another flight another airline or even dog sled. But i was determined to be home for Christmas - u can count on me..... yada yada. I did find out that the only way home (flying) was to wait until the 26th. that was not acceptable. So i cashed in my ticket and rented a car. and off i drove back to michigan.

I arrive on Christmas eve. I had not done any shopping for becca so off i went. That was alot of fun. But i was able to get what i needed and rolled from there.

Christmas eve i was suppose to hook up with becca. My "ex" family always gets together on Christmas eve and has chinese dinner. Good times! I was still shopping and could not make the dinner. that was a bummer. anyway, i received a call from becca's mom early evening. I was already in route to meet them, but the conversation was becca is getting sick. Something she ate we all agreed. At the time of the call, she was in another restuarant worshiping the porclein god. we all agreed it would be better for the becca to head to the farm and chill for the evening.

Sidebar: the thompsons let me use their house while they were on the east side visiting family. Shout out to them for the use of the crib!!!! Also, i ended up with one of their towels. Sorry guys. Don't charge my credit card. i will bring it back.

So Christmas morning rolls around. I have a wonder breakfast at the Johnsons. that was awesome. I received a call from becca and away i went. We opened gifts at the farm. that was fun. Becca was totally geeked and Tigger was doing awesome. after a little bit, Becca's mom and husband decided they were going to visit some family. No prob as becca and i were trying to figure out what to do from there. As they were pulling out, they backed into my rental car. DUH! OUCH! that was a bummer. it was an accident. So i called the rental company to figure out what to do.

So becca and i chilled out the rest of the day and night.

The next day we spent a portion of the day dealing with insurance, police reports and the rental company. SUCK OUT LOUD! But becca and i were able to go and hang with the fischer clan. It was awesome to see them again.

by now it is wednesday, we, becca and me, are hanging - watching movies, eating at her favorite restuarant.

So i left on Thursday to OK.

And here i am.

Overall, it was great to see family and friends. Most of all, it was great to spend quality time with becca. I miss her in the worst way.

So, i am busy at home trying to get out of boxes. And i am busy at work - projects never stand still. I am trying to get my way around OKC. Also in search of a good church. should be an interesting journey.

More later.


Thursday, December 21, 2006

Well - i made it

Yes, it is true. i am in oklahoma. Giddy up! the trip was extremely long and i am tired but it is good to be here.

My place is cool. it will be good until i can figure out the lay of the land. Our company office is moving. SO i did not want to commit to a place and then find out i have an hour trip to work. Right now it is about 5 minutes. tough i know.

Becca and i are still dealing with the separation stuff. Pray for her. It will work it is just a difficult time for us. Also please be praying for another realtionship i am trying to work some things out with. A delicate time for sure.

God is good and so is the weather right now. I am flying back to Michigan for Christmas and then i don't know. this has all been a blur.

More later

Sunday, December 10, 2006

How do we finish well?

And i break the blogging silence.

Since i made the annoucement to move, i have been wrestling with the issue of finishing well. I struggle with my own feelings of wanting to move on and not leaving the relationships i have. I am a creature of habit. my life is predictable from a schedule stand point. So the move is tough because in essence it is starting over.

I am concerned about the significant relationships i have made. How do you maintain them? how to sustain them? I am riding the line of i don't want the friendships to change and change being inevitable.

I have a couple i am close to. I have spent basically the last 10 years of my life getting to know. And for the last 6 years have spent basically two and sometimes three times a week at their house. they have a child the same age as becca and for the most part have really gotten along well. We spent some time over to their house this weekend and it is getting more difficult to leave their house. I spent most of this evening with talking to becca about not seeing this family and seeing how upset she is about that. You see the other child was spending time with friends in the neighborhood & not really paying attention to becca. Now that is normal and i am not saying i "blame" the other child but it was upsetting to becca. The question that kept coming up, "Does _______ realize we have just a week and everything changes?" So we are all trying to figure out how to finish well. Yet, i feel the pull.

I have a couple i am close to. i have been connected deeply for years. been thru alot. i cannot even break that statement down for you - it is so big. But i can tell you that we have spent many hours at a campfire dreaming, praying, worshipping, laughing and solving the worlds problems. This is a part of my life i do not want to change. Just like the last paragraph, these are relationships i do not want to lose. yet, i feel the pull.

I had some close relationships from work. The disconnect did not happen very well. I am not sure where those relationships are now or if they will ever be reconciled. You see i feel like i finished well -- 3 weeks notice, projects complete (except a programming thing)(an issue that could have been avoided), etc. Yet, i am sure if you asked them they would have a completely different opinion. You see, we were a pretty tight group. The team was strong. Then, over the last 9 months, some things happened and levels of relationships changed. I felt a real connection on one relationship while the other relationship changed for the worse. I have enjoyed watching the one friendship blossom while i have agonized over the other friendship dying. The funny thing is i can see the dying process happening in this one relationship - but i could not stop it. You cannot make some one see the destructive path they are on and denial is a powerful tool. With all that said, i still have good feelings about those relationships, about my employment and employer. I will always have good things to say. Yet, i feel the pull.

I spent some time over the holidays with my family. it was fun to connect and have meals. Becca and i had a great time. It was difficult to leave. There was one spot where i wished i had a camera. My dad is not the most emotional guy. It has only been since becca was born that i would hear i love you between the two of us. He and i made an "unspoken" pact not to part conversation without saying those words. Life if too short not to tell those you care about that you care! I have made the trip home to the farm many, many times. Every time i would leave, my parents would stand in the window and wave. This time was different. As i got settled in my car and made ready for the trip how, i looked up to see my dad standing on the porch waving. I will never forget the image. it is burned in my mind. I know it does not seems like a big thing but it was a moment for me -- never to forget.

Not to mention watermark. I have been part since close to the beginning and i mean before the church started, while we were having test sundays. The disconnect here is going to be hard too. I have enjoyed so much the relationships i have been blessed with. The team, the people, the experience of God here....i am going to miss.

the reality is that all of these relationships will change and that is my struggle because i do not want them too. Oh carter you will make new friends. Thanks for the encouragement but frankly i love the relationships i have! and that is my struggle.

Well, i am sure i will rant some more but it is late and i need to get some sleep.

Love your neighbors as yourself. hmmm lets practice that one for a while.